I’ve had trouble writing about Night in the Woods. I kept on going back and forth on two different approaches to this. One is I was going to try and write a professional general piece on it like I did with Pyre. The other is I was going to get pretty personal in this piece. I’m still new to this whole writing thing. I didn’t want this to turn into a blog post. I wanted to present myself as professional. So I spent the past days writing a super general piece. Then I thought more about NITW. It’s a game about messy people. And I wasn’t liking the general piece. Also fuck it only 3 people are going to read this anyway. So let’s get messy and personal.
I’ve been out of college for 7 months. This is first time I’m admitting it to myself, but I washed out. I wasted 2 years of my life. I was in a Major I hated that I joined on a whim. Every morning I thought about driving my car into a wall. But I was sleepwalking through it with the thought it would get better. Then both my grandparents died within 3 months of each other. That was it. It broke me. I hadn’t realized it but my support structure was pretty much two people. So I dropped out moved back in with my Parents and here I am writing about Video Games before going to minimum wage job.
NITW stars Mae Borowski she washed out of college after having a breakdown and fucking up a college monument. She moves back in with her Parents. And she kinda hangs out. She meets up with her old friends who have become adults. They all have jobs, bills to pay, adult shit. Mae stayed the same. NITW does have a main plot where the villain is late capitalism. Maes personal story I feel like is finding some stability with her support structure.
One of Maes support structures are her parents. Her Mom and Dad approach her for the most part with care. Mae has had breakdowns before. The parent child relationship portrayed is the healthiest one I have ever seen in video games. Every morning you wake up have a conversation with your Mom. Most of the time its small talk but it’s very warm conversations. Then Mae comes home every night and watch TV with her Dad. Her parents obviously care about her and she loves them back. There’s bumps in the road. But they do come from a place of care. No matter what happened I always felt like I could go home.
There’s another game this year that I loved called Butterfly Soup. There’s 2 lines in that game that I identified with. “Some people actually talk to their parents on purpose… Like for fun…” Also “A healthy relationship with your Parents? What’s that?” I couldn’t choose which one I liked more so I included both. Anyway I’m very grateful to my parents for letting me move back in. They kind of understand. But I feel like any day now I’ll be given a months notice. I don’t considered them a support structure. More like a rickety piece of plywood that I’m relying on until I breakdown again.
Again my parents are much better than a lot of parents. But I can’t remember thae last time I had a real conversation with them. I have always put on a face. Which I guess is more with me. But I have never felt at home. Its stability though. I’m able to save up money which is good. But multiple times while playing NITW I see the relationship between Mae and her parents and think what the fuck is this. A healthy and understanding relationship? Unlike Mae I feel like any second now this stability will crumble.
Mae other support group is her friends. Her best friend Gregg who does in fact rule is ready to drop everything to help his best friend. Even though he probably shouldn’t drop everything he is ready to. Even his boyfriend who is worried about Gregg regressing back to a high school student is ready to support her. She has another close friend named Bea. Who their relationship starts rocky, but Bea wants to help her. Mae also has the town of Possum’s Springs looking out for her. Everywhere Mae goes she finds people with their own problems. But willing to talk. Willing to be supportive. Willing to be there for her.
I’ve really had one person that I would call a close friend in college. They were my friend in High School we roomed together for the last year I was in college. They did their best to support me. But I think they were not equipped to. There was a moment the day after my Grandpa died that we watched Clerks 2, Unbreakable, and then we went to go see Split. Because those are the movies you watch after you Grandpa dies. I don’t think I told them how much that day meant to me but it meant a lot. Still though every time I wanted to talk about feelings they just weren’t equipped for it. They were only able to deal with me up to a certain point. Which is fine they had their own shit to deal with. I understand. It just hurt a bit. We talked for the first time in months recently. They were checking up on me. We had an awkward moment where we both recognized that I was in a bad place, and they wished they could have done more. Our friendship didn’t end with a big fight. It just ended which is fine. But I can’t imagine us being close friends again.
I identified heavily with Mae even though were really different people. I try to present myself as the least messy person even though I’m a mess. I try to be very closed off emotionally. Afraid of anyone being inconvenienced by me. Afraid to even speak out of fear of wasting peoples time. I have no clue how Mae is able to just talk to people? Like what the fuck.
Anyway what I’m trying to get to is I’m jealous of Mae. I know I’m in a less shitty situation then her. Also Mae is a much bigger wreak then me. But she has a stable support group of people to fall back on. I don’t feel like I do. Which is something NITW helped me realize. But also it taught me that they won’t just come to me. I have to go out and find them myself. I need to be more open and messy sometimes. I haven’t found anyone yet to be honest. But hopefully I will.
Also unlike Mae I think I’m going to go back to college. I still have no Idea what I want to do. But for some reason I want to throw myself back in it. I want to try again. I want a second shot of being a real person. A fresh start. If I am able to do that someday I like to thank NITW for helping me see it is ok to be messy sometimes.